(Originally posted on OCN’s The Sounding)
As I spend hours sitting in front of my computer reading over words I have written, and re-written, edited, and re-edited, I marvel that I am still so utterly moved by the same stories I’ve read at least a hundred times by now.
When I began writing The Scent of Holiness, I did so because for many years I have tended to write down everything significant in my life. Since about the age of fourteen, I have taken comfort in chronicling my thoughts, feelings, and actions in a journal. After three years of visiting women’s monasteries in Greece, I couldn’t believe it hadn’t occurred to me earlier to record all the conversations and experiences I had while working and praying alongside Orthodox nuns.
As I began writing, I realized there were far more things I had learned than I even realized: turns out I knew very little, and learned very much. Hence, the idea for putting all the stories into one book surfaced. Since the time I began recording the various lessons I learned and experiences I encountered at womens’ monasteries, nearly two years have passed.
Now, as I go over the final proof of the manuscript before it goes to print, I am still wiping away tears when I read about my first encounter with the schema-nun who described what I was like before and after baptism. I still wipe tears away when I read about catching a glimpse of the intimate love between the Abbess and her nuns while I was putting dishes away in the monastery’s kitchen. I read the description I wrote of first meeting Archimandrite Evsevios Vittis, a saint, and before I know it, a small puddle is collecting in the lap of my skirt.
My husband laughs every time he catches me wiping tears away. “Are you crying reading your own writing?” he teases.
“No, I’m crying because of the wonderful experiences, and the amazing people we’ve come to know and love,” I always respond with a voice full of emotion.
I continue reading, and sure enough, something else I read brings tears once again.
I know I’m sensitive. But even I thought I wouldn’t possibly be able to shed any more tears while reading the same stories again and again. It turns out, though, when the heart is still beating with gratitude and the mind still running over all the lessons one has learned, it is next to impossible not to be moved by the same ol’ things. Because they are not the “same ol’ things”, but eternal truths that I happened to encounter in the conversations, prayers, stories, and work I participated in at the monastery.
Simply being in the presence of struggling nuns has given me so much to reflect on, so much to imitate, that even when I read the same stories over and over, I almost feel as though I’m encountering the situation for the first time – such has been their powerful impact on me.
When we are reading the Scriptures, the Gospels and Psalms never get old. They are always moving. You can read Christ’s last discourse on love in St. John’s gospel a hundred times and it’s like you read it for the first time. How many times can a person read Christ’s words: “If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first” (John 15:18) and not blink away tears? Turns out, many times.
I guess this is why the stories in my book still invoke emotion in me, even after all this time. Because they are not my stories; I recorded them, but I didn’t construct them. They are events that took place that I was a witness to. The lessons, the miracles, the holiness of the monastery share their roots in Christ, Who is Pre-Eternal, never-ending and always present. He never “gets old.” He is always New, always Good and always True. I hope the stories in my book which teach His truth will be eternal as well. And I hope, despite my husband’s playful teasing, I will always be moved by them. No matter how many times I read them.
wow. that’s so amazing! thank you for sharing your heart!
Absolutely beautiful, and so very true. Thank you. Can’t wait to read this book!
Still, when I think of my times at Agia Skepi, as well as being happy I am usually moved to tears. Thank you for sharing and I can’t wait to actually read the book.